![]() ![]() Honestly, I wish I could return to the past too. I am proud of you for sharing, for having the strength to keep on going, even when it seems all so hard. It isn't a place you would want to stay, because maybe you are not happier now, but you definitely evolved. There is no shame to miss the past so much you wish you lived in it indefinitely, but it definitely isn't as happy as you remember. You know, it is really sad that we miss the things we did, but it is also in this nostalgia that we can rely on to say the past was not absolute dog crap. It is that kind of nostalgic missing, like you feel "saudades" of being who you were in the past. There is this word in Portuguese for missing something, "Saudades". You are allowed to miss your childhood, to miss the moments your best memories are in. I appreciate this thread because it’s the one place I feel like I can express my true feelings. I feel like I’ve been so depressed and hated myself so long that it will never get better. Because not only am I starting to shut people out, but the one line that goes “and I really hope I don’t wake up at 50 wondering why I gave my life away, and if it’s too late”… that line hits me hard - because I know that’s how I’m going to feel. I keep listening to this song by Quinn xcii called “we don’t talk enough” and I relate to it so hard. But then I would leave my family in pain in this life. I’ve been wondering lately that if I were to end it, if I could relive it in another world and start over. It’s alarming how many times a day I wish I could end my pain. I feel like my inner child is so disappointed in my adult self. ![]() I miss having the constant feeling of optimism and big dreams. I miss my room, my yard, and not having a single care in world. I wish my family still owned the house I grew up in. There are so many memories, flashbacks, smells, emotions I wish I could relive. It makes my sick to my stomach because of how badly I wish I could go back. ![]()
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